Saturday, December 7, 2013

Beauty in Imperfection, in Singleness, and in Grace..

Beauty In Imperfection

I fell prey to it again. The mirror that sits at the end of the hallway mocks me every time I make my way to my room.

Look at those disproportional curves…”

“…You’re going to put make-up on before leaving, right?”

“Back to the double-digit pant size, huh?”

It reflects my insecurities. All of them. And reinforces the words of the little Satan on my shoulder:

“You’re simply not beautiful.”

---

Beauty in Singleness

One text. That’s all it took. One text from my crush describing my roommate-my best friend-through his eyes:

Idk… She’s beautiful, funny, and adorable…not to mention she loves the Lord! What else could a guy want?”

Granted, she really is all of those things. I’m beyond blessed to have a best friend and confidant in her. But Hello?!? Are you BLIND? I’m right in front of you and you don’t see how much I care for you?

That little Satan on my shoulder laughs, knowing he has won. I am defeated, feeling forever invisible by those I grow to care so deeply for.

“No man will ever love you.”

---

Beauty In Grace

12 major scales. Chromatic-3 octaves. Lieutenant Kije (II. Romance) by Prokofiev. Russian and Ludmilla Overture by Glinka. Sightreading.

I can do this. This audition determines if I’ll play flute at all in the spring. I can do this! …right?

Wrong.

I butchered my audition…

Added grace notes to the scales, hit only 2 and a half of the 3 octaves, played wrong notes, didn’t tongue, and Christmas-treed sightreading.

“And you said you could play the flute-what a joke! You’re not talented! How could you ever let yourself believe you would be good enough for the university's Symphonic Band?

I waited for the results.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And made it.  And even then:

“Don’t be fooled! You told the professor that if you weren’t placed in this band, you wouldn’t be in band at all. You played the guilt trip card. She felt sorry for you; she felt obligated to give you the spot.

            …You didn’t deserve it.”

---

The little Satan on our shoulder will never give up. He will always try to bring us down, to feed us lies, and to make us see ourselves as anything less than what we really are:
Beautiful, captivating children of the one true King, Jesus Christ.

There’s BEAUTY in imperfection. There’s beauty in how the Lord designed each one of us to be unique and imperfect. So I’m not a size 2, so I’m extra tall and awkward, so I’m extremely loud and a little psycho, SO WHAT? The Lord made me to be uniquely me. Uniquely His. I am beautiful.

There’s BEAUTY in singleness. Who could ever love us like the Lord does? What man would ever be able to treat us as we should be treated, sweeping us off our feet in a perfect, flawless manner, like the Lord? He desires our hearts, all of it. And in our days of singlehood, the Lord will teach us, revealing our true beauty and our true worth in a way that can only be accomplished in this particular stage of life. Cling to it. Embrace it. And the Lord will work. Then one day, one man will grow to love me. 


There’s BEAUTY in grace. I don’t deserve that spot. I don’t deserve to play among the best musicians at the university. But the opportunity was given to me anyway. That’s grace. And there’s nothing more beautiful in the world than to be broken down, torn apart, and ridiculed because only then can you truly see the blessings in life given to us through grace. If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking! There’s beauty in grace.


“[The Lord] has made everything beautiful in its time…” (Emphasis added)

-Ecclesiastes 3:11